


madeleine

by sansapollo



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: :(, Angst, Dancing, Everything Hurts, Flower Crowns, Flower meanings, I WILL FLOOD YUNSAN TAG, I don't know how to explain that, M/M, Sad, Sketchbooks, Sketches, The Author Regrets Nothing, hardcore angst, idk how to tag sorry, im a hopeless romantic, it is a mess because the author is sleep-deprived, kinda ambiguous ending?, mostly yunho and san, or actually regrets everything, prepare your tissues because I take you an adventure full of emotional rollercoasters, the others are there for support, there is death but also there is no death????, yunho art student
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28994286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansapollo/pseuds/sansapollo
Summary: Gradually, San grew in love with Yunho just like that. Jeong Yunho, sweet, kind, perfect Yunho barged into San’s life just like that.
Relationships: Choi San/Jeong Yunho
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	madeleine

**Author's Note:**

> HELLOO!!  
> IT IS ME, YOUR LEAST FAVORITE YUNSAN WRITER LMAO KLHDFDFSKJ
> 
> anyways, im here for another yunsan but let's make it angst!! I should be preparing syllabus, not writing.... but who can't stop me:d  
> Im kinda sleep deprived so idk if there is anything to say other than there is implied death????? idk how to explain that .-. oh! it isn't beta-read and english isn't my first language so apologize for any mistake in advance <3
> 
> anyways, hope you will like it! Don't forget to leave a comment or kudos if you like it ehe <333

San still remembers vividly how he met Yunho for the first time. 

  
  


San was working in a theater as an usher. The job paid well, enough to cover his bills and rent. He used his scholarship to pay for his other needs. He couldn’t risk having a second job only to drop his marks, then lose his scholarship. Instead, he tries to work in as many shifts as he can. 

He was a late shift that time. There was a romantic melodrama movie which became quite famous that San was sick of checking the movies’ tickets. His co-worker must have felt his agony to come and take over from him. He thanked her before leaving. He had 2 hours until the movie finished. He went to the concession stand and hung out with his co-worker until the time came. 

When the movie finished, people were slowly leaving the auditorium. He snatched a trash bag under the counter. If someone asked what San hated the most about the job, it would definitely pick garbage. People didn’t know a hell about cleaning up after themselves. 

He grumbled, entering the auditorium, immediately picking up the litters until he heard a quiet broken noise. He stopped in mid-way to take an empty coke can, looked up and saw a figure in the middle seats. He contemplated for a minute if he should have checked the person or not. He didn’t want to deal with anyone. It is almost time to get off from work. Yet, another broken sob stopped him, he sighed, ready to regret his decision.

He climbed up the stairs, standing awkwardly by the seats. The man, San saw clearly, didn’t budge. He was a crying mess, popcorns all over his lap. San grimaced at the view. With a deep breath, he clears his throat. 

The man visibly startled and snapped his head to San. 

_ Cute _ , San thinks.

“Um.. I work here and…” He looked over the man again. “Are you okay?” 

As if on cue, the man started to cry harder. San panicked for a minute, thinking he did something- asking him if he was okay was wrong? 

“Oh god,” The broken voice rasps. “I-I’m sorry- It is just-” The owner of the voice gestures towards the big black screen. 

It took for a second for San to understand he meant the movie. He cried because the movie was sad. 

San bites his lips, stifling a laugh. 

_ He is definitely cute. _

“I get it,” he replied, nodding his head. The movie was sad but San had watched it more than twice so it didn’t make him cry anymore. The man sniffed. He looked like a puppy whose owner left for work. 

“Hey,” He called for the man who looked up at San in return.

“I can listen to you rant about the movie.” 

The man perked up visibly. San swore he saw a pair of dog ears on the man’s head for a second. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the image. 

“You can?” He asked. San must have gone crazy to deny this man who looked so excited to have someone listening to him. He nods instead.

“Wait for me at the exit. I will finish cleaning. Then I’m all yours.” He winked and the man blushed.

  
  


And this was the story of how San met the love of his life. He thought Yunho was cute at that time, fully platonic. He called Wooyoung cute all the time. It wasn’t love at first sight or hate. It was just a simple friendship.  _ Oh how wrong he was. _

San liked spending time with Yunho. The taller man, San noticed as soon as Yunho got up when they met for the first time, was caring, attentive. San could text him he had a bad day, the next second Yunho was there, at his door, with tacos and pepsi which was the favorite pair of San.

He was mature. He knew how to handle San’s anxiety. He could calm San down without touching because touching only made San worse. He respected the different opinions as long as it didn’t hurt anyone. He listened to anyone who talked to him, offering advice if he was asked.

He was cheerful, lifting every room’s energy up once he came in. He smiled like nothing could bother him in the world. He was kind. He declined all the gifts he received with a kind smile, you would feel bad to offer it in the first place. 

In fact, San never saw him as angry until someone backhandedly made fun of Wooyoung’s personality, saying it sounded too fake to be true this joyful. 

In a second, all the aura in the practice room changed something cold, sending shivers over your spine. 

“If you hate it, the door is here.” The cold voice that possessed Yunho made San take a step back. He was shocked at the cold eyes piercing the boy who made the comment, something dangerous radiated off of him. Everyone was as shocked as San was. The boy left the room without any word, probably too scared to see the campus heartthrob this angry. 

After that, even though Yunho went back to his kind personality, everyone acted differently around him. They were timid, cautious of Yunho. 

San felt a skip in his heart at that time, not knowing what that meant. 

Gradually, San grew in love with Yunho just like that. Jeong Yunho, sweet, kind, perfect Yunho barged into San’s life just like that. 

  
  


San smiles at the memories he remembers. A hand holds a hot coffee in front of his vision. He accepts it without fussing. 

“What are you thinking?” His friend, Wooyoung, asks him after sitting next to him. 

“Just… memories you know… of Yunho, of us…” 

He takes a sip of the hot coffee, hisses while poking his tongue out. It is too hot to drink. He throws a nasty glance at his friend who laughs at him.

“Do you remember the time you realized you loved him?” Wooyoung asks this time, a playful tone in his voice.

San groans. He hits his friend’s shoulder a few times.

“It was the first time I fell in love with someone! Shut the fuck up!” 

“It didn’t change the fact that it was still the funniest shit we have ever witnessed!” 

They laugh at the memory.

  
  


They gathered in San’s home, eight male, playing with each other, yelling. It was a usual hang out night. Their traditional saturday hang out. They watched a cheesy movie, then Star Wars because Seonghwa wanted to and Hongjoong was too whipped to care of the other’s opinion on this.

After the movie, Mingi stole Jongho’s chips which made the younger resort the violence. They watched Mingi struggling in Jongho’s sharpshooter move. The younger was eating his chips while still seated on Mingi’s back until Mingi apologized. They laughed at their antics. 

“I will grab some beer. Want some?” San asked, getting up from his seat between Wooyoung and Yeosang. He heard a few approval as he entered the kitchen. His stomach grumbled loudly. He sighed, craving into his stomach’s need. 

He opened his cupboard, scanning until he found a cup of instant ramen at the very back of the cupboard, all alone. San probably forgot about it since it was hard to see it. 

He reaches, fingers barely touching it. He huffed, turning around to retrieve a chair only to be stopped by bumping into a sturdy- chest?

San throws his head back, making eye contact with soft brown eyes. He gasps unintentionally. Yunho was close, really close. San felt his breath all over his face. It smelt like a cherry gum.

“Is it what you want?” Yunho asked, shaking something in his hand but San’s only focus was on his lips. His beautifully arched cupid bows. He wondered if it felt soft to kiss him- 

He panicked at his own intrusive thought, turning around to only bang his head on the cupboard door. He cursed, whined, holding his head. 

“Oh sani,” He heard a worried voice before feeling the warm hands over his own hands. 

He looked up with teary eyes, only to realize Yunho was holding him. A breath stuck in his throat. At this close, he could see every detail of Yunho’s face, like two faint beauty marks by his eye. He heard Yunho’s voice far away. He said something. San nodded without knowing what it was. Soon enough, the taller man sat him down on a chair. 

Until Yunho pressed frozen peas onto his head, he had forgotten his pain because he wanted to kiss friend. A friend shouldn’t have thought of kissing his friend. They were friends. 

He was panicking internally so much that he jumped when Yunho held his face. His hand was big and warm against San’s pale cheek. It sent little shocks into San who found it pleasant. 

“Sani? You with me?” 

San cringed at his stomach churning at the pet name. Yunho always called him like that. Why did he feel like that?  _ What changed? _

San saw others coming through the kitchen, yet he could care less. 

Just like that, he discovered his love for Yunho. 

  
  


“I remembered you after that night.” Wooyoung laughs, pretending to wipe his non-existent tears from his eyes.

“You avoided him so much. Once you barged into a still going on the class.”

San grumbles something before talking audibly. 

“I hated the fact that we went to the same university. It was hard to escape from him.”

They sit there, in total silence. They bask in each other’s comfort. San inhales. He feels weird now. Life really likes to throw you rocks while laughing at your clumsy way to avoid the rocks. Once you swim with the current, next you swim against the current. 

“Oh? Hi.” A tall black haired male greets them. He scratches his neck as he approaches two friends. They greet him with a smile. 

“You are early for once, Mingiyah,” Wooyoung jokes, reaching his hand out to intervene with his pinky finger. Mingi laughs at him.

“What are you guys doing?” 

“We are remembering how much a panicked gay San was when he noticed his feelings for Yuyu.” 

“Hey!”

They laugh together. Mingi leans against the wall that is next to the seats. 

“It was worth it though.” San defends himself, pouting a little bit. He crosses his arms against his chest, offended by the laughs he gets in return. It takes ten seconds for him to snap out of it. He passes his empty cup to Wooyoung who gets up to throw their cups away.

San sighs. It was worth it because Yunho confessed to him a week later. They had been friends for over a year. 

“You thought of how Yunho confessed to you, right?” 

San startles at the question, turning to cast a look at Mingi who looks smug. Wooyoung comes, sitting on his spot again. He smiles. 

“Ah.. The big canvas Yunho had done, right? It was amazing honestly.” He praises his friend. 

“Yeah but the most amazing thing is that Yunho did it in front of everyone, including San.” 

“Oh! Right! Right! Do you remember the line he said to San?” 

San laughs at their way to become excited at his love confession. Mingi and Wooyoung look at each other before speaking in unison.

“All of these arts and you are the only one mesmerizing to me.” 

They scream quietly at each other, playfully hitting, thrashing around. San rolls his eyes at their antics. His mind supplies him another memory.

  
  


Yunho took his hand, kissing the back of it while maintaining eye contact. A high blush came alive on San’s aristocratic cheekbones. A hand hovers over his waist before placing on it. San giggles, wrapping his arms around Yunho’s neck. Arms secure around his waist. Their forehead touched each other and San sighed. He felt home in Yunho’s arms.

“Dance with me.” 

San wanted to decline. He didn’t know how to dance. He would only embarrass himself, yet the bright, loving gaze made it harder to decline. He nodded, closing his eyes and let Yunho move him.

The taller man lifted him off slightly, and San gasped. His feet didn’t touch the ground. He makes a noise. Yunho silenced him with a quick peck on the lips and swirled them. San laughed, his hand held Yunho’s biceps like it is his life line.

“I’m heavy.” San whispered, scared of breaking the precious moment.

“You will get tired and have sore muscles tomorrow.”

“If it is you, I’m ready for more than sore muscles.” 

  
  


Wooyoung pokes his side, bringing him into the present. San gasps and pushes his hand. He swears Wooyoung poked until he reached his kidney. Then he notices the existence of Jongho and Yeosang, standing next to him. They look awkward, not meeting with San’s eyes. 

“Sani-” Yeosang starts, his mouth stays open for a minute then he closes it. A light blush adorns his cheeks, hiding his face on Jongho’s shoulder. 

“Hyung.” Jongho takes over. San acknowledges him with a smile. 

“Yunho always has this special power to bring us together, right?” 

His eyes focus on the front. He sees his friends nodding in his peripheral vision.

“I will get coffee.” Wooyoung gets up, motioning Yeosang to take his seat. 

“You guys want anything?” 

San arches one of his eyebrows off. 

“You just had a coffee.” 

Wooyoung challenges him with a glare saying  _ and?  _

San shudders, holding his hands up as if he surrenders. Wooyoung grins, looking smug. 

“I want my coffee as hot and dark as me.” Mingi winks, changing the topic.

“Then i will get you an iced coffee.” Wooyoung deadpans.

Mingi yells after him, too shocked to say coherent words.

“Oh my god! Stop! You are embarrassing us!” 

A new voice joins them. San sees Seonghwa and Hongjoong joining them as holding hands. Seonghwa looks exasperated, glancing around to make sure they are alone and no one judges his choice of friends although Hongjoong looks like he could care less, his eyes training on San.

He leaves Seonghwa’s hand and comes before him, crouching down, holding San’s hand. He speaks with the softest voice San has ever heard from him.

“How are you feeling, Sani?”

San stops. Stops thinking. Stop answering. Stop saying he is fine. 

The memories flood, filling his mind. There are memories that San takes for granted. He treasures them the most. However, he feels like he couldn’t treasure them as much as he should have. 

The time when Yunho handed him over a bouquet of arbutus flowers and red carnations. San cried when he googled the meaning of the flowers while Yunho chuckled and kissed his tears away. 

The time when he accidentally found the sketchbooks of Yunho from their university times. The sketchbooks slipped between his fingers, falling onto the floor with a loud thump. He gasped at the papers peeking out of them. San saw endless sketches of himself, laying down, sitting down, sleeping, angry, pouting and there were so many of him smiling sketched into the books. He cried again, this time onto Yunho’s chest. Yunho smiled, patting his head until he calmed down. San kissed Yunho too many times, whispering love you’s into his lips every time.

The time when Yunho introduces him as his boyfriend for the first time. San gasped because people before them were Yunho’s parents. He thought they couldn’t think highly of their relationship. Yet, before he escaped Mrs. Jeong pulled him into a hug. “So you are the infamous San who makes my son smile like an idiot every time he is on the phone?” Mr. Jeong joked with him, his eyes full of adoration. San’s shoulders relaxed and returned the hug that conveyed the “thank you for taking care of my son” message well.

“You look like aphrodite.” Yunho commented when San stood there stark naked to help Yunho for one of his works. He blushed, tried to hide himself with his arms. Yunho took his arms away, not letting him cover himself. “You are so beautiful.” He complimented like it was no big deal. It was for San’s poor heart. Yunho made love to him that night.

Flower crowns Yunho made for him. Pet names fell from Yunho’s lips as if they were prayers. The touches Yunho never denied from him. The sweet kisses Yunho put on every centimeter of his skin. The smiles that are only reserved for San. The adoration adorned gazes Yunho fixed on San. The love he so readily shared with San.

He simply looks at his friend, his smile slowly disappears. 

“ _Odd_.” He answers, his eyes lifting to the special care room, his eyes hones in on the man who lays on the bed without any move. If it wasn’t his chest, San would guess he is dead. 

San’s heart aches as tears which he tries so hard to hold back escapes from his eyes. The lively laugh echoes in his mind, doubling his agony. 

_It is odd, indeed. The things you remember when you watch someone die._

**Author's Note:**

> arbutus flowers mean "you are the only one I love"  
> red carnations mean "my heart aches for you"


End file.
